Eye of the Needle--Part I
Dec. 27th, 2009 12:14 amAuthor Notes: This story is set before and during the episode Destiny. It's a direct sequel to “Red Sky at Morning” and probably won't make a tremendous amount of sense without that in context.
Summary: While Garak recovers from a devastating injury, Julian is forced to confront some harsh realities about their relationship and certain things he has taken for granted. When three Cardassians visit the station for a joint venture with Bajor and Starfleet, the new treaty is put to the test, loyalties are challenged, and both men develop a deeper sense of what they're involved with, both with one another and in the larger scheme of events.
Author: Dark Sinestra
Date Written: December, 2009
Category: Slash
Rating: NC-17 for some scenes of explicit sex and mild adult language and situations.
Disclaimer: These guys aren't mine. I just borrow them and the setting from time to time from Paramount, and I don't even get paid!
Word Count: 17,070
Julian
Quark's Bar
“I'm just sayin' I miss her when she's gone,” Chief O'Brien said, shrugging his shoulders and hunching over his pint on the small table.
Julian sighed and stared morosely into the depths of his ale, no longer having to feign being in his cups. “'S better than missing her while she's here,” he slurred.
“Garak still bein' difficult?” Miles asked, his brows lifting.
The doctor quirked his lips in dry amusement. “You may as well ask if Garak is still being Garak. Yes. He's still being...difficult,” he said, sighing again. “I don't understand it. I mean, of course, I understand why he hasn't wanted to be physical...”
The Irishman pulled a face. “You don't have to say everythin' that's on your mind,” he said quickly. At the other man's look, he held up a hand. “I'm sorry! There are just some visions I don't need dancin' t'rough my head, alright?”
Julian conceded the point with a wave of his hand then put it to his chest while he hiccup belched. “Fine,” he said. “All I meant was I know he still has pain from his injury. But he won't even let me stay over. He claims we see plenty of one another while we're awake, but half of that time is his physical therapy, so I don't think it counts,” he added crossly.
Miles took a long swig of his pint and set the glass down, beckoning Rom over for another round. “Make that two,” he said and turned his attention back to the doctor. “You've got to look at it from his perspective, Julian,” he said pragmatically. “The Cardies...Cardassians,” he corrected himself, “don't like to show weakness, right?”
“But it's not weakness,” he protested. “He took a phaser shot at almost point blank range to the chest! By all rights, he should be dead. If he were weak, he would be.”
“That's the way you see it,” he continued. “It's not how he sees it. Look, if there's one thing I've learned bein' married, it's that you've got to be able to see things from the other side. You don't have to agree wit' 'em; you don't even have to like it. But you'd damned well better be able to see where they're comin' from, or you're doomed to go round and round until one or both of you get tired of it and walk away.” He sat back while Rom set their drinks in front of them and cleared away the empties.
“I suppose,” Julian said, frowning.
“Suppose not'in',” Miles snorted. “You either figure out how to do that, or plan to spend a lot more nights missin' him, even after he's fully recovered.”
That touched on yet another worry. He lifted his eyes to the Irishman's. “What if he doesn't fully recover?”
Miles swigged down half of his pint in one swallow. “Why don't you cross that bridge when you come to it? You've got enough t' worry about right now as it is.”
Garak
Garak's Clothiers
Stock Room
With every line and ridge of his face taut with concentration, Garak licked his lips and tried yet again. It was so simple that at one time he could've done it in his sleep. He held a slender needle between the thumb and index finger of his right hand and a black thread the same way in his left. As he brought them closer together, minute tremors shook his limbs, spreading from his shoulders downward. He couldn't even make the tip of the thread touch the eye, much less get it through. Roaring his frustration, he kicked the clothing form before him, sending it and the jacket it held flying.
“I think you've subdued it,” a gravely voice came from behind him.
Whirling, he saw Odo leaned in the stock room doorway, his arms folded loosely. “How long have you been there?” he demanded.
“Long enough,” the changeling said. “I've been getting...reports...that you've been behaving erratically on the Promenade. Outbursts. To my knowledge, you haven't kicked anyone like that, or this would be more than a social call.”
“I'm fine,” Garak said, flinging aside the needle and thread and moving to right the clothing form.
“Never better,” Odo said agreeably.
“While I appreciate cutting sarcasm more than most, I could do without it this morning,” the tailor retorted.
“Has it occurred to you that you may be pushing yourself too hard too soon?” he asked.
“Has it occurred to you that it's none of your business?” Garak shot back, glaring.
Odo regarded him for several long moments silently. “When you start causing trouble, it becomes my business,” he said stiffly. “Believe me, Garak, I don't want it to be my business. I have better things to do than follow you around and ensure you don't harass the other business owners on the Promenade. I understand better than most how it feels to want to be left alone. I also understand better than most how it feels to be frustrated by...limitations.” He grew silent again, giving that time to sink in.
“As much as I'd love a fascinating heart to heart,” the Cardassian said acidly, “I have work to do. If I agree not to give you a reason to make my business yours, will you agree to let me get back to it?”
Unfolding his arms and giving that odd little nod of his that usually meant he completely disagreed and thought someone was making an ass of himself, the changeling said, “Have it your way. See to it that you keep your side of the bargain, or the next talk we have will be in my office over paperwork.”
Garak held his shoulders stiff until he was sure the security chief was gone, then let himself sag. He was sick to death of this solicitousness from every side, none of it welcome. Even Major Kira's intense looks these days were a great deal less venom and a lot more habit. They had no right to treat him like a toothless hunting hound that had lived past its usefulness but was of too much sentimental value to be put down. There was one Terran phrase that made a lot of sense to him and seemed to apply perfectly to his situation, No good deed goes unpunished. At the rate all of them were going, he was determined that his one good deed would be the last one, at least the last one he performed openly. It wasn't worth the fallout.
He had lain in the hospital bed surrounded by flowers, as though he were already dead, for much longer than he liked. Did any of them bother to ask him how he felt about that, or what it looked like to him? No. Afterward, he had been subjected daily to Julian's intense scrutiny, his every move watched, every spasm and tremor noted, every faltering step righted before he had a chance to fall. Did Julian once think such attention might be insulting? Of course not, and if he had to tell him, well then, he would never be sure if the man wasn't doing it simply because he told him not to or if he truly understood that he was strong enough not to need that. The physical therapy was the worst and most grievous insult of all. Julian wasn't pushing him, not nearly as hard as he should have been. Then he wondered why he wanted time to himself? Humans, he thought with a mental growl. They were as soft on the inside as they were on the outside, and they wanted to reshape the entire galaxy in their image. Bah!
He was coming to a very unpleasant realization as he hunted for the stray needle he had flung. There was a good chance he might never again possess the dexterity he needed for the fine needlework for which he was known. Over time, he had dealt with several salesmen hawking various wonder machines, promising to cut his work time into one third of his current rate, miraculous devices that could shape any stitch he could imagine and even accept programming from him for new stitches not already in their databases. To a one, he had thrown the blasphemous charlatans out, insulted beyond measure that they didn't understand the difference between manufacture and craft.
A sliver of a glimmer caught his eye. He bent too quickly, finding himself suddenly doubled over in pain. Gasping aloud, he grasped the tops of both of his thighs in an iron grip until the wave of burning agony finished roiling through his chest. Julian assured him that such episodes were indicative of his nerves healing. It could've fooled him. He reached a shaking hand out to pluck the needle from the floor and held it up to eye level as he carefully straightened. No amount of skill in the world would serve him if he couldn't properly handle his tools. He had to make a living. He would never accept charity or live off of Julian. Maybe it was time to swallow his pride and call one of those loathsome killers of craft for a demonstration.
Not yet, he told himself. Not quite yet. He cut another length of thread, darted the end lightly between his lips, and started all over again. If he could just manage to thread the needle, he knew he'd be getting somewhere. The minute tremors grew with his efforts until he shook like a man afflicted with palsy. He wasn't aware of the passage of time, the simple act having grown in his thoughts to a task of monumental importance. It was a battle of wills between his body and his mind, and unfortunately, his body had the advantage.
In time he became aware that he had another watcher. Dropping his hands to his sides, he eyed the woman with hostility until his obsession receded far enough for him to recognize her as one of the Bajoran infirmary nurses. “Can I help you?” he asked, wondering what she was doing there and why she hadn't said anything before then.
“For starters you can be on time,” she said primly, lifting a hand to pat a small strand of her simply coiffed blond hair into place. “While I appreciate your dedication to your work, it's not physical therapy, and it won't get you where you want to be.”
“Excuse me?” he asked, his brow ridges dipping downward.
“The time, Mr. Garak, is 1100 hours. 1112 to be precise. You were due in the infirmary seventeen minutes ago. I like for my patients to come a little early,” she replied, turning and shooting him an arch look over her shoulder as though to ask, Are you coming?
Setting the needle and thread aside, he hastened his steps to catch up with her. “Please, just call me Garak, and explain what you mean by your patients. My appointment is with Doctor Bashir.”
I'm not comfortable with such informality, Mr. Garak,” she said serenely. “I do hope you'll understand. You may call me Nurse Decla or Ms. Decla. Doctor Bashir has turned your physical therapy over to me. If you wish to know why, you'll have to ask him yourself. I'm sure I don't know.”
He could hardly believe it. He never thought he'd see the day that Julian would entrust his care to anyone else. Intrigued, and if he was being completely honest with himself, very slightly intimidated by this tall, middle aged nurse with wide-set, cool green eyes, he allowed her to lead him back to the infirmary and ensconce him in the physical therapy room. He took a seat where she indicated and waited as she glanced over a chart.
She made a soft tutting sound with her tongue against the roof of her mouth and lifted her gaze. “Was this shamefully lax schedule his idea or yours?” she asked.
“His,” he said, blue eyes flashing and chin lifting slightly.
She smiled in a way he didn't exactly like. “I'm glad to hear that. After watching you with that needle, I was hoping I had someone with some spark on my hands. You're going to need every bit of it if you expect to make a full recovery from that phaser blast.”
“Do you honestly believe that I can?” he asked her frankly. On more than one occasion since his ordeal, he had read doubt in Julian's eyes when they discussed his injuries, and even though he would never openly admit it, it had eroded his own confidence.
“You're going to discover very quickly that what I believe doesn't matter one whit,” she said, setting the chart aside. “Do you believe that you can?” She didn't give him time to answer, throwing a ball at him from the depths of one of her pockets. He barely caught it in time to avoid being smacked squarely in the face. As his hand cupped around it, he realized that if it had hit, it would have hurt him. It was only the beginning of her nasty surprises of the session.
With one demanding task after another, she put him through his full paces, ignoring any grimaces or hisses of pain. She seemed determined to squeeze his entire hour long regimen into the remaining time they had left. He knew that were he human or one of the other races that could sweat, he would've been soaked with it less than halfway through. While he had wanted Julian to be more demanding, this Bajoran woman was monstrous. He couldn't help but to believe that she was enjoying herself thoroughly. She seemed to take in his every indication of strain, discomfort, and outright agony with enthusiasm, those cool green eyes far more expressive than he would've believed possible the few times he had seen her before.
Just when he believed that he had reached the end of his endurance, with every muscle shaking and juddering uncontrollably, she called a halt to his efforts and had him lie back on the bed. As he lay there trying to catch his breath, he could just see her moving in his peripheral vision off to the side. She returned to view and reached for the hidden hooks of his tunic. He caught her wrists with difficulty in his spasming hands. “What do you think you're doing?” he asked.
The look she shot him was unbelievably withering. “Mr. Garak, would you like for me to come into your shop while you are hard at work and get in your way? Would your creations turn out well with a third hand in the mix and someone there to question your every move?”
“No,” he answered.
“Then why are you interfering with my job?” she asked.
Feeling a bit foolish, he released her and dropped his hands back to the bed beneath him. He closed his eyes while she unfastened the top third of his tunic, not wanting to see the clinical assessment in those disturbing eyes. He felt one of her hands slide quickly down the neck of his close fitting undershirt and leave something in place. The next thing he knew, warmth spread from whatever it was and began to radiate outward in soothing waves. His eyes flew open again, just in time to see her adjusting a dial on a panel not so far away. “What is this?” he asked, almost not wanting to trust his voice. After the torture of the therapy session, it felt too good.
“It's a neural stimulator,” she said. “You've reached a point in your healing process where it will finally do you some good. Too soon, and your system would have been overwhelmed. It will probably cause you to have more frequent pain attacks outside of therapy, at least at first. If it does, you need to tell me so that we can get you some medication to help manage it.”
“I hate pills,” he snapped.
Settling a hand to her hip, she narrowed her eyes. It made her resemble one of those Earth creatures Julian kept considering getting as a pet, a cat. “I'm going to spare you the technical explanation and cut to the chase,” she said, her voice sharp. “Pain causes stress. Stress causes a buildup of chemicals in your body that inhibit healing and even have the power to permanently alter your brain architecture. If you're serious about making a full recovery, you'll tell me when you're hurting, and you'll take whatever we give you for it, in the proper doses and without alcohol. If you're not serious, then you're wasting your and my time, and I won't have that. You're welcome to skip off down to the bar and drown yourself in kanar for all I care, but you won't be welcome back here. Are we clear?”
Suddenly, he felt warm from more than just the neural stimulator. He used every ounce of his focus to make certain that only he would be aware of that fact. He was quite sure that she wouldn't appreciate it and wasn't provoking him on purpose. “Your bedside manner leaves something to be desired,” he snorted.
“You'd do well to focus more on what's good for you and less on your bedside needs, Mr. Garak,” she said frostily. As she turned away and left the room with his chart, he was almost certain he saw a gleam of amusement in her eyes. That even more than what she said mortified him. How did she know?
Uncertain of what he was expected to do next, he stayed put on the bed and let the neural stimulator do its work. His shaking ebbed, leaving him in a state of tranquil lassitude. Almost never one for naps, he seriously considered closing down the shop for the afternoon to take one. He hadn't felt this good since before he was shot.
Nurse Decla returned with a pill bottle and tucked it into his right hand. “I want you to take two of these at lunch when you leave here, then one before bedtime and one upon awakening until you run out. No kanar while you're taking these! I'll string your little Ferengi friend up by his toes if I see him serving you, and that's nothing compared to what I'll do to you.”
“Very well,” he said, resigned. He wasn't concerned with her threats; it was what she had said about his recovery and stress impeding it. He was serious about getting better. He didn't want to have to give up everything he had worked so hard to achieve with his shop or his reputation for the quality of his clothing. He sighed when she turned the machine off, that delicious warmth immediately fading to nothing more than memory. He allowed her to remove the pad from his chest and then fastened his clothing as quickly as he could. “Are we done?” he asked.
“For today, yes,” she said. “By the end of the week, I'll have some exercises for you to perform upon awakening and before you go to bed. I'm cross referencing to be certain they're compatible with your physiology first. Those pills I gave you are just for baseline pain management. If it's not enough, what are you going to do?”
He sat up, swinging his legs over the bedside and planting his feet on the floor. He waited to answer until he could stand. She was tall enough that they were nearly eye to eye. “I have no intention of wasting your or my time, Ms. Decla,” he said without blinking. “You'll hear from me.” She inclined her head in a way that looked very Cardassian to him and forced him to step around her to leave the room. He wondered if Julian knew exactly what he had unleashed upon him and why it had taken him this long to realize it was necessary. He decided he'd invite him over for dinner and try to find out, in a roundabout way, of course.
Julian
Garak's Quarters
He felt silly for being nervous when Garak greeted him with more enthusiasm than he had shown for him since their return from Bajor. The dinner invitation had been completely unexpected. Maybe Miles was right, he thought. Maybe just the act of trying to see things from Garak's point of view eased the mounting tension between them. He was glad he had taken the emotionally difficult step of turning Garak's care over to someone else. As he stepped into the familiar quarters, he smiled brightly. He could smell the spicy richness of a red curry dish, the unmistakable nuttiness of basmati rice, and the garlic-y whiff of naan. Best of all, there were no Cardassian food smells to mingle with the others and trigger his gag reflex. He had gotten to the point where he could take one or the other by themselves, but Terran food and Cardassian food were not a harmonious marriage.
“Indian food!” he exclaimed unnecessarily. “How incredibly thoughtful. To what do I owe this treat?”
“I can't just be generous from time to time?” the tailor asked in a way that made him instantly suspicious.
“You can,” he said, amused. “But you rarely if ever are 'just' anything, my love.”
“So paranoid,” Garak said with a brilliant smile. “Come then. Let's eat while it's still hot, and you can tell me of your day.”
He sat at the table across from the tailor, and the two of them helped themselves from the central dishes. He didn't have a tremendous amount of news to discuss. Truthfully, he was much more interested in hearing about how Garak's session went with Nurse Decla. However, he kept Miles' advice in mind and kept his questions about the therapy to himself. If this dinner was a result of his backing off, he decided that he could stand to do more of it in the future. As he ran out of incidentals to discuss, he did finally hazard, “How was your day?”
Garak dropped his gaze to his plate and sopped at traces of the curry sauce with a torn section of naan. He took his time chewing and swallowing, had a long swallow of lassi, and said, “Where in the world did you manage to dig up that dictator Decla? That woman is a menace, Julian. I think she's out to kill me.”
He blinked in surprise, as that was the last thing he expected to hear. “Nurse Decla?” he asked. “Blond...”
“Sadistic, Kai Winn green eyes, barking voice, acid tongued Bajoran female,” Garak finished for him. “Yes, yes, that Nurse Decla. Surely you're not going to sit there and pretend you don't know how she is?”
He was flummoxed. “Honestly? No, I don't. She has only been with us for about three months now. She came very highly recommended from the Bajoran State Hospital in Jalanda City. Her work ethic has been superb, never late, always thorough, an eye for detail, and nothing but perfectly polite and respectful, both to me and our patients.”
Garak frowned, and it seemed as though the air between them dropped a few degrees in temperature. “I see,” he said.
“What?” Julian asked, thoroughly confused.
“Nothing,” the tailor responded. “Do you want dessert? I didn't replicate any because most of them don't do that well sitting out.”
“No, I don't want dessert,” he said with a sinking feeling. He didn't want to turn their pleasant evening into a fight, but he also couldn't just let whatever had just happened lie to fester. “I do want to know why it seems as though you're upset with me now. At first you were railing at me about her, but as soon as you found out I didn't know that she was the way you described her, you seemed even more upset. I don't understand. Do you want me to assign you to someone else? I will. All you have to do is ask.”
Garak rose to clear off the dishes. The doctor could see the tremor in his hands and had to sit upon his own to avoid instinctively reaching out to offer help. He waited for an answer, but after nearly every dish was cleared, he realized he wouldn't be getting one, not unless he pushed. “Elim?” he asked, his brows drawn together in concern.
“I don't want another therapist,” he said tightly.
“All right,” he answered, trying to be reasonable. It was getting harder. “I'll leave you with Nurse Decla, although I don't understand why you want to be, given...” He stopped suddenly as it hit him. Garak wanted to be pushed. He had all but begged him during many of their sessions, and he clearly thought that Julian had finally realized that and assigned him someone who would challenge him. Instead, it must have sounded as though he gave him his safest choice. Isn't it true? He thought ruefully. Damnable Cardassian stubbornness and pride! Something else occurred to him, and now he was as angry as Garak seemed to be. “Tell me something,” he said sharply as he stood.
Garak paused in front of the recycler, the last dish from dinner clasped in both of his hands. “What?” he asked, his expression shifting from irritation to wariness.
“That time when I came back from the parallel universe, when you were so kind to me and gave me the pajamas, was that pity? Contempt?” He felt his fists balling at his sides.
He slid the dish into the slot and turned to face Julian. “Of course not. I was worried about you.”
“Why? Because you think I'm weak and can't handle myself?” he demanded.
“No! Julian, what has gotten into...you...” the tailor trailed off and chuffed a soft laugh. He held up his hands. “I surrender. You've made your point.”
“Have I?” he asked, feeling some of the anger drain away when he realized that his sudden fear was unjustified.
“Yes,” Garak said, crossing to him and sliding his hands over his hips to draw him closer. “Masterfully. I can't promise that I won't continue to bristle when I think you're fussing over me too much. I'll at least try to remember it's not an insult.”
He smiled in spite of himself and carefully wrapped his arms around the lower part of Garak's waist. “So,” he said, nuzzling him gently nose to nose. “You like Nurse Decla?”
“She's a monster,” he replied. “Without mercy or pity, implacable, sarcastic, and cold. She's perfect for the job.”
“If you want, I'll try to find out if she has a problem with Cardassians. I don't want her hurting you,” he offered, wary of making Garak angry again yet considering this a valid concern.
Garak nipped him painfully beneath his ear for his trouble. “If you say a word to that woman about me beyond what must be said for the treatment protocol, I will be extremely cross with you.”
He grunted his discomfort and wince laughed. “You've made your point.”
“You'll have to forgive me if I'm not convinced and intend to press it,” the tailor said, biting him again and soothing over it with a delicate circling of his tongue tip.
His body responded instantly, hungry for this contact he hadn't dared to pursue while the Cardassian was still recovering. Even now he doubted that it was the smartest course of action. It was up to Garak to decide what he could or couldn't handle, though, and with him out of actual danger, he decided to leave it up to him as to how far this went and how strenuous it became. He tilted his head back and to the side to expose the expanse of his throat to the rough treatment, not doubting there'd be bruises to handle tomorrow before heading for work. His lover seemed to delight in marking him as much as he delighted in having it done. At one time in his life, he would never have believed he would enjoy pain of any sort. Garak had shifted his perspective on so many things and was particularly skilled in manipulating sensations. He tried not to think too hard about how or why that might be.
He raised his arms to facilitate being peeled out of his form fitting shirt, one of the few he had picked out for himself that the tailor didn't detest on sight. The Cardassian pulled him close against the rough, thick fabric of his tunic, his hands sliding up Julian's back, fingers and nails digging. “I want to feel you, too,” Julian gasped.
“Later,” Garak growled, sinking his teeth into the muscle at the juncture of the doctor's neck and shoulder.
Julian arched against him, writhing from conflicting impulses, his body's desire to escape the pain and his mind's desire for more. So this is how it's going to be tonight, he thought, feeling a slight flutter in his belly. These moods of Garak's could sometimes be frightening, times when he wasn't entirely sure his lover was fully in control of himself and wouldn't do something that would cause more than just pain, times when he understood on a visceral level that no matter how familiar they might become, his Elim was still an alien being, another species not well known or understood, and he'd be a fool ever to forget it.
Garak turned him and pulled Julian's back to his chest, his arms wrapped tight and his hands moving restlessly up his torso. The doctor leaned his head back, resting it against a sturdy collarbone and twisting so that he could nip and tease at the ridged jawline so tantalizingly in reach. Fingers pinched and tugged sharply at his nipples, pleasure and pain so intertwined there that it was impossible to separate one from the other. He felt his hips lifting, thrusting at nothing but air in a wanton, involuntary dance of need. How was it that the tailor could get him to this point so quickly? With one hand still at his chest, Garak slid the other down to put a stop to his thrusts. Even through the thick fabric of the tailor's clothes and his own thinner pants, he felt the hard swell of his lover's desire pressed tightly between his cheeks. Moaning softly, he deliberately clenched, twisted, and ground himself back.
“You little tease,” Garak murmured, warm breath spilling over Julian's ear and followed by a wet lick that left none of the creases and folds there unexplored.
“I'm the tease!” he gasped incredulously, his eyes rolling back.
“I'm glad to hear you agree,” the voice came again in a dangerous tone that thrilled him down to his curling toes. “Now, be still and stop trying to push me. It never works. It just makes me irritable.” He pinched a nipple in emphasis, making Julian gasp and jerk again.
“I don't know how you expect me to be still when you keep doing things like that,” he said shakily.
“Shall I stop?” Garak asked, his hands stilling altogether, although he didn't loosen his tight hold.
“What ever happened to you'd never make me beg?” he asked, panting and desperate for those hands to start moving again. When he felt the hold loosening, he added quickly, “No! Please, I don't want you to stop.”
“Then you'll behave?” the voice purred close to his ear.
“Damn you, yes. I'll behave. You know I will. You know when you get me to this point, I'm nothing but putty in your hands,” he said through gritted teeth. It wasn't exactly something he was proud of, the undeniable hold the man held over him when he was this aroused, but as of yet, he had found no way to combat it. He knew from hard experience that if he became truly defiant, the tailor would unceremoniously kick him out and leave him to fend for himself alone, an unsatisfying end to the sort of build up he provided.
Garak's only answer was to resume the delicious torture of hands and mouth, with the added reward of freeing Julian from the uncomfortable press of his fastened trousers. He noticed it took both of the tailor's hands instead of just one to do so, but he said nothing of it. He reached back and twisted his fingers into the hem of Garak's tunic, needing something to hold to prevent himself from that mindless grinding.
Garak gripped his right wrist and tugged his hand free. Julian stifled a groan. Was he truly going to insist that he just stand there, take everything he threw at him, and react as little as possible? To his shock, the tailor didn't stop at that. He cupped his hand around Julian's and guided it to clasp around his own stone hard erection. “Don't make me do all the work, dear,” he murmured wickedly.
He flushed from his chest to his hairline. It wasn't the first time he had done such a thing in front of the tailor, usually driven to it by too much teasing and then prevented from following through. It was the first time Garak had ever asked him to do it, and for some reason, it made him feel self-conscious. He could feel small tremors in his lover's grip over his hand, tremors that had been a constant since the injury and likely had little to do with arousal, and he believed that he understood. Shifting his lean against the man enough that he could support himself even if his legs grew weak, he tightened his grip, closed his eyes, and began to do as he had been asked.
Garak didn't let him get far before stopping him. “Over here,” he said, guiding him to the sofa and pushing him to a seat with pressure at his shoulders. He leaned back and lifted his hips to allow the tailor to pull his trousers down and off of him. The man remained kneeling there between his spread knees, his eyes as black as night, the blue all but gone.
Drawing his lower lip inward for a rake of teeth, Julian cleared his throat. “You...ah...you want me to...keep doing that?” He knew he was blushing furiously. Even his ears felt burning hot.
“I'd hate to interrupt,” Garak responded, a slightly mocking tone in his voice.
“In the past, you've stopped me when I've tried,” he said, hoping to put him off of the idea.
“I'm not stopping you now,” he said reasonably. “Nor were you so coy about it then.”
He heard the unspoken question, of why this was any different, and he knew almost beyond a shadow of doubt that Garak also knew the answer to that question, that it was different doing it when he didn't have the heat of the moment as his excuse and when he had large, dark eyes fixed on him in a way that seemed more predatory than loving. Swallowing thickly, he nodded, squeezed his eyes shut, and closed his hand over himself.
“No,” the Cardassian said sharply. “Open your eyes.”
“Elim,” he said, doing so, “I...I'll do this for you, but...I need to feel that you're here with me, not watching me like...like...I don't even know like what. I just know it's uncomfortable.”
Expressions shifted beneath the glassy surface of those black eyes too quickly for Julian to read. Not all of them were pleasant, but the one that finally surfaced and remained was. “I'm sorry, my dear,” he said, rubbing his cheek against the inner curve of his knee. “Sometimes I forget myself when I'm with you.”
“I don't mind that so much,” he said, reaching his free hand to caress through the black hair. “As long as you don't forget me, too.” Now that he felt they were back on solid ground, he didn't fret over this. In fact he found that he enjoyed it, giving the gift of his pleasure to the man he loved. He saw the intense heat coming back into the black eyes, only this time, there was something there that stayed connected, something he could reach and touch, something he understood.
He went from slow, sensual strokes to a less measured rhythm as the pleasure began to run away with him. He tried to stay focused on the intent gaze at his knee level, but eventually, he lost even that control, his head tilting back and his mouth sliding open for harsh, spasmodic intakes of air. He half expected Garak to stop him at the last minute, but he didn't, allowing the doctor to bring himself to completion. As his hand slowed and he managed to lift his head, he saw the tailor rising to brace himself with his hands to the back of the sofa at either side of him. The dark head dipped downward, and his lips and tongue followed in the wake of every last splash. Julian shivered from head to toe, the sensations almost too much for his heightened sensitivity.
“Your turn now?” he asked, meeting the black eyes now so close to his own.
He could taste himself in the man's mouth when he kissed him, simply nodded his answer and pulled back to stand. “In the bed,” he said, offering Julian a hand up.
He gladly accepted the help, his entire body still weak and wobbly but regaining strength. The shaking in the hand was greater than before. He wondered if it was from supporting his weight against the couch for the short amount of time that he had done so. He didn't dare express his concern and ruin the moment. With Garak lying in the bed, he knew that at least to some extent he could control how much or how little he exerted himself. He wasn't going to tax him beyond reason.
To his delight, Garak allowed him to strip him. He loved all of the hidden, discreet hooks of the tunic and the way the ridges that delineated the thick musculature of his torso showed clearly through the thin layer of his undershirt. As much as he wanted to nip and bite over those ridges through the fabric, he refrained, knowing the man's chest was still sensitive and prone to random attacks of nerve pain. He carefully lifted and pulled the shirt away, guided him to sit on the edge of the bed, and squatted to pull off his boots and socks. “Have I ever told you I adore your feet?” he asked, smiling up into the shadowed face, the bedroom lights down to a mere five percent of normal.
“No,” the tailor said, sounding perplexed. “And I can't imagine why.”
It amused Julian and perplexed him, too, the way that Garak could be so confident on so many levels and yet so utterly self-conscious when it came to his body. As he rubbed over the leathery soles, flexing the tailor's thick calves by pushing back on his feet, he wondered if this was a Cardassian trait on the whole or if it was something peculiar to his Cardassian. One day he thought he might ask him, at a more neutral time and setting. “Well, I do,” he said, letting his fingertips dance lightly behind his ankles and trace the indentation between the bone and the Achilles tendon.
“You're a very strange man,” Garak said, shaking his head.
“That may be. I happen to think I have excellent taste, and I won't allow you to insult it,” he informed him. Reaching up, he deftly unfastened the trousers and began to tug them downward. The heady scent he associated with his lover's acute arousal assaulted his senses, and he felt wetness slicking his fingers from the fabric. He groaned softly and rested a burning cheek against the large, broad scales that lined the top of Garak's thigh, reminding him of nothing so much as pictures he had seen of the belly of a crocodile. “Then again, you have excellent taste, too,” he murmured, working his way upward.
As Garak turned and reclined upon the bed, Julian followed him up, straddling his lower legs and treating himself to what he had been wanting ever since they started that night. “Cover your eyes,” he said, glancing up at Garak.
“What? Why?” he asked.
“Computer,” Julian said, ignoring the questions and smiling when he saw realization hit. Garak quickly took the pillow from beneath his head and pressed it to his face. “Lights at...thirty percent.” He wanted a good view, and he got what he wanted without the discomfort of too much light at once. He traced a fingertip at the inner lining of the ridged slit, drawing it back so that he could see the pink skin usually hidden by the tough gray outer scale. Dipping his face lower, he closed his eyes and gave a slow, experimental lap of his tongue. Garak's inhale stuttered, and he smiled to himself. For all that the Cardassian liked to talk of how sensitive humans were, he had plenty of weaknesses, if one knew where to look.
He probed more deeply with his tongue, the slick inner skin one of the few places that gave off almost as much heat as Julian's and the source of the lion's share of the wetness that accompanied male Cardassian arousal. Garak shifted restlessly beneath him, and his nails scraped against Julian's scalp. Determined not to be rushed any more than Garak had been, he nibbled very lightly at the scales until he was rewarded with the barest moan.
Reaching up with both hands, he drew him open, exposing more of the base of the almost charcoal dark shaft. He worked his thumbs downward, feeling for the subtle swell of a knot that when massaged just so made the tailor squirm helplessly. His fingers crossed over one another and pinned the slick member flat against the even scalloping of belly scales while he delved. There, he thought in satisfaction as Garak began to twist.
If he were further along in his healing, he would have penetrated him member alongside member, something both of them enjoyed intensely and that he suspected was painful for Garak in the same way that much of what the man did to him was painful, mingled too closely with pleasure to want to stop. He flexed and circled his thumbs, finally giving in to his desire to cover him with his mouth, relaxing his throat and taking him fully. Groaning, Garak lifted his hips and dug his heels into the mattress. Julian hummed low, something else he knew drove the man nearly to distraction.
As well over two hours passed with no sign of the tailor coming close to release, he started to get the sense that something wasn't quite right. The Cardassian's level of desperation was greater than he usually revealed, and his vocalizations sounded more frustrated than pleased. With his jaw aching, the doctor lifted his head. “Elim,” he said softly, “what is it?”
“I...don't know,” Garak panted, the look he shot him wide eyed. “I can't seem to...” he gestured helplessly with shaking hands.
“You're not stressed about something, or worried about something?” he asked, sitting back on his heels and rubbing his palms soothingly over the man's thickly muscled thighs.
“I wasn't, until I realized that you could do this to me all night, and it wouldn't make a difference,” he said sharply.
“Let me think a minute,” he said, as flummoxed as his lover. Of all of their many difficulties through the years they had known one another, sexual dysfunction had never been one of them for either of them. “Oh,” he said, struck by a sudden thought.
“Oh?” Garak asked testily. “Care to share before I explode from sheer frustration?”
Ducking his head a bit guiltily, he said, “It's probably the pain medication I prescribed for you.” The blue eyes fixed him with such a hard, level look he felt halfway tempted to scramble off the bed before the man could hurt him. He stayed in place only because he didn't want to distress him further. “It's not a common side effect. In fact, I can't even recall if it is a known side effect, but you have to understand that most of the medicines I have available to me aren't of Cardassian manufacture, and aren't even designed with Cardassian physiology in mind.”
“So I'm your test subject?” he growled, pushing himself back to sit up.
“No! Of course not. I know this medication has been used in the field to treat Cardassians during the war with no ill effect.” He scrubbed a hand back through his damp hair. “Do you think that any one of them would have told us if...well, if something like this had happened to them after taking the pills?”
That seemed to mollify him only slightly. “Well,” he said, “what do we do?”
“The only thing we can do is to wait for it to pass out of your system. I'll try to find something else to treat you with. I'm really sorry. You know I'd never do something like this to you on purpose,” he said miserably. Garak closed his eyes and nodded tightly, lifting both hands to rub at his eye ridges. “You're not getting a headache, are you?” Julian asked.
“No, I'm not getting a headache. I'm just...” he gestured at his full blown erection. “At least tell me it's not going to stay like that until those pills are out of my system. I can't very well go to work like this.”
“I don't think it will,” he said. “I think that's just...well, we've been at this a long time tonight, particularly if you count what you did to me on the sofa. Do you want me to leave?”
He growled and leaned forward, pulling him down with him in the bed. “If you leave me like this, I'll never forgive you,” he said gruffly. “Get under the covers.”
He did so, with Garak holding him back to chest once again. He decided against counseling him against the imprudence of grinding against him. Under similar circumstances, he would probably be tempted to do the same thing. He realized with a sinking feeling that it was going to be a very long unpleasant remainder of the night and that neither of them would be getting any sleep.