Reflective Shards--Part III, Conclusion

[dark_sinestra]

Garak

Replimat Café

 

Garak could tell that Rom was becoming unnerved by his steady gaze. Inside, he felt positively gleeful. Outwardly, he gave no sign of this, just quietly studied his table companion.

 

Rom put down a half eaten chew grub and frowned at him. “You're making me nervous,” he accused. “What is it? Why do you keep looking at me like that?”

 

“Oh,” the tailor said off handedly, “it just occurred to me a few days ago that I've never really seen you before. Of course, I've looked at you, and you and I have had our share of lunches, dinners, and conversations over tea. However, the level...the depth, should I say...of your deviousness never revealed itself. It's fascinating. You hide it so very well.”

 

The Ferengi waiter looked more unsettled. “I...I have no idea what you're talking about, Garak.”

 

Garak laughed, delighted. “I'm sure you don't! How many schemes have I missed? What could I be speaking of in this moment? It's exciting, isn't it, when a game moves to a new level?”

 

“Are you feeling all right?” Rom asked uncertainly. “I've told you before some of those pills you take make you act strange.”

 

“Never felt better,” Garak replied, beaming. Eventually, he intended to let Rom off the hook and explain what he was talking about, but he was having entirely too much fun watching him squirm. It was the least he deserved for being so manipulative, and because he genuinely liked him, he had no intention of taking it too far or being hurtful. He was about to say more when a commotion from the direction of the docking ring caught both of their attention. Infirmary personnel hurried to help some of the wounded who could walk. A few others were carried.

 

“Looks bad,” Rom said in a low voice. “Leeta said they had the Defiant out for some wormhole experiment.”

 

“Yes, I heard,” Garak said, watching keenly. He saw Dax rush by, seemingly uninjured and supporting Doctor Khan. I'd say Julian's attempts to chaperon have been for naught, he thought, judging from Dax's expression. He turned away from the unfolding drama and back to his food. “At least they had the decency to attempt it away from the station. Can you imagine what such a thing could do here?”

 

Rom shuddered. “I don't want to imagine it.” He picked up his abandoned chew grub and popped it into his mouth, chewing thoughtfully. “Still,” he said a little wistfully, “it would be interesting to be involved in something like that. I wonder if they succeeded.”

 

“I suppose that would depend upon how one measures success,” Garak said. “There's no reason you couldn't be involved in such things if you really wanted to be.”

 

“Now you sound like Leeta,” Rom said, glancing at him.

 

“I could be accused of worse things,” the tailor said, narrowing his eyes slightly. “You're quite close, aren't you?”

 

“We're just friends,” he replied, looking glum.

 

“Close friends,” Garak pressed.

 

“I don't know if I'd say that,” Rom said, but he refused to meet Garak's gaze, seeming to have found something very fascinating on his plate.

 

“What do you think Leeta would say?” the Cardassian asked.

 

“You haven't talked to her about me, have you?” he asked, his voice raising in pitch with anxiety. Garak gave him his best mysterious smile. Rom looked horrified. “You...you stay out of that, Garak,” he said. “I mean it!”

 

Garak took a serene bite of his food. “If you want something, you'll never get it by sitting passively to the side and hoping that it falls like a gift from the sky into your lap,” he said. “You have to work for it.”

 

Rom studied him silently before asking, “Are you offering to help me, or are you just...toying with me? If you're toying, it's a terrible thing to do to a friend.”

 

“You know, it's funny you should say that,” Garak said. “It brings to mind a time when you told me that someone was flirting with Leeta. Help me out, Rom. It has completely slipped my mind who.”

 

Rom's face crumpled with guilt. “I'm sorry about that,” he blurted. “I...really was mad at him, and he really was flirting with her. I hoped that if I told you, you'd put a stop to it and get him away from her. It's not like I could ever compete with him, and I was right anyway. Now they're together, and it doesn't look like that's going to change any time soon. Unless you think you could do something about it.” He glanced up at him hopefully.

 

Garak shook his head, no longer amused. Rom's utter passivity frustrated him. It made him want to grab him by the shoulders, shake him, and shout some sense into him. “No, you're on your own there.”

 

“I know you still want to be with him,” Rom said sullenly.

 

Garak sighed. “You're wrong. He's incapable of it, which coming from me has to be one of the most hilariously ironic statements in the known universe, and yet there it is. I've been accused at times of being overly stubborn; however, the fact is that I know when I've been defeated. No, Rom, trust me. You don't need me to help you win Leeta. All you need is to be patient, and be her friend. You'll know when the time is right to tell her how you feel.”

 

“You're not mad at me?” Rom asked, seemingly unable to wrap his mind around the fact.

 

“It is so rare that anyone truly takes me by surprise that when it happens, it's quite the novel experience. I won't underestimate you again,” he cautioned with a wave of his finger, a playful light in his eyes.

 

Rom relaxed slightly. “I'd never be stupid enough to try something when you're on guard. Anyway, I hoped it was something both of us would benefit from, not just me.”

 

“Another reason I'm not angry,” Garak conceded. Speaking of that time period depressed him. He didn't enjoy reminders of the break up. He watched some of the crew from the Defiant leave the infirmary and walk to Quark's. Nodding in their direction to indicate them, he said, “If you're curious about the wormhole experiment, there's your chance to find out. I'm sure they'll be eagerly discussing it and forget all about the size of Ferengi lobes.”

 

Rom glanced in the direction he indicated, instantly becoming more animated. “You don't mind?” he asked. “I know we haven't finished lunch.”

 

“I'm curious, myself,” he said, the lie coming easily. “But I'm certain they wouldn't say a word around me. You can tell me about it later.”

 

“I will,” he said excitedly, jumping to his feet and taking his tray to dump. “Thanks, Garak, and...for what it's worth, I really am sorry for tricking you.”

 

“No you're not,” he said, beaming at him fondly. “You're sorry I figured it out. Now go.” He watched him retreat, the smile fading. There had been a time in his life, not even so long ago, that he wouldn't have thought twice about scheming with Rom to break Julian and Leeta apart. So much had changed since then. He had changed, and no matter how lonely he was at times, he was no longer content to settle, not for anything or anyone who couldn't meet him where he was.

 

He watched Dax leave the infirmary with a troubled look. She saw him watching, paused, and headed in his direction. This should be interesting, he thought, waiting until she was close to stand and incline his head to her pleasantly. “You weren't injured, I hope?” he said.

 

She shook her head, hesitant in a way he had never seen her before. “I'm fine. Physically. I...have no idea why I came over here,” she said with a sheepish smile. “I guess I'm just... It was a close call back there. Lenara could have died. They...her brother didn't want me staying while Julian treated her. He worried it might be too taxing for her.”

 

“Perhaps you'd like to sit?” he offered.

 

She remained standing. “How do you let go of someone you love?” she asked, looking oddly young and vulnerable.

 

He made a fist and held it out to her. “This isn't love, my dear,” he said. He then opened his hand, cupping it. “If it's the right time and a good fit, they stay. If it's not...” He gave a small wave of his hand and dropped it back to his side. “You once told me that when it came to Julian and me, I had to be the adult. Who's the adult in this?”

 

She shook her head, her gaze pained. “I honestly don't know. I just know I don't want her to leave.”

 

“Does she know that?” he asked.

 

“I haven't come out and said it.”

 

“Well, perhaps you should, if you're sure it's what you want. You have to know you can't make her stay, though,” he said.

 

“There's something I've wanted to tell you for a while now,” she said, abruptly changing the subject. He tilted his head curiously, inviting her to speak her mind without interrupting her. “I...appreciate...the way you handled Julian's leaving. I know it had to be very hard on you. There was a time I really worried what you'd do to him. I don't worry about you that way anymore. I'm glad you worked through whatever it was that had you...not yourself.”

 

“I am, too, Lieutenant Commander,” he said, uncomfortable with the intimate topic now that it had turned to him.

 

She seemed to sense it, or perhaps she picked up on his formal use of her rank to address her. “I'm sure you hardly needed my approval,” she said with an uncomfortable laugh.

 

“I know your concern in that situation was the doctor. I can't fault you for that,” he said. “If you'll indulge me, I'd like to say something of a more personal nature to you, too.”

 

“Of course,” she said, nodding and settling a hand to the back of the chair in front of her.

 

“I think you take his devotion for granted, if not occasionally outright use it to your own ends. I haven't decided whether this is conscious on your part or not. If it is, then shame on you. If it isn't, you need to consider it.”

 

“I do no such thing!” she said hotly, her brows dipping downward.

 

“Don't you?” he asked, meeting her gaze squarely and holding it. “Did you ever find out the other night what plans he had that you usurped? Did he tell you the outcome?”

 

She frowned, some of her anger draining away. “No,” she admitted. “I didn't even think to. I was so absorbed...” She trailed off. “Did I ruin plans the two of you had?”

 

Garak considered a moment how to answer. “I believe you should ask the doctor,” he said. “I've said all I intend to say on the matter. I don't make it a habit to interfere in my friends' affairs, but since you've gone out of your way on more than one occasion to help me with Julian, I felt I should return the favor.”

 

She drew her lower lip between her teeth lightly, thoughtful and troubled. “I'm sorry I snapped at you,” she said. “I'll think about what you said, and I'll talk to him. Thank you, Garak. I should probably go.”

 

“As you wish,” he said. “I'm done with my lunch, and I have to get back to work, myself. For what it's worth, I wish you luck with your...situation.” She shot him a fleeting, genuine smile, dipped her head, and hurried away. He shook his head slightly and gathered his tray. He wasn't sure what to think of his expanding social horizons. It was nothing like Cardassia. He felt very out of his element and disconcerted that people seemed to value his opinion on personal matters. His life, as far as he could see, was hardly an example of how to cultivate and maintain a healthy romance. All he needed now was for some Bajoran to become genuinely interested in him to convince him he was losing all grasp on reality or how the world worked. He laughed to himself at that thought and did as he told Dax he intended to do, got back to work.

 

Julian

Dax's Private Quarters

 

Julian wasn't quite sure what to expect from being summoned to Dax's. He knew that Doctor Khan had departed the day before with the rest of the Trill scientists, and he knew without having to be told that Dax was crushed. It wasn't like her to open up when it came to such things. She usually withdrew until she had a handle on her emotions and refused to speak of her hurts until much later, if at all. He did his best not to have any preconceptions when she answered the door quietly in civilian clothing and let him in.

 

“I've been a horrible friend to you,” she said in a shaky voice and turned away from him.

 

“What?” he asked, taken aback. “Don't be ridiculous, Jadzia. You're one of the best friends I've ever had.” He closed the distance between them and put a hand to her shoulder.

 

She gently but firmly shrugged him off, turning with tears in her eyes. “No,” she said. “I take advantage. I know I do. This whole time Lenara was here, I was so absorbed in what I wanted and how to get it that I...I used you.”

 

He started to deny and stopped himself, thinking of Leeta. Hadn't that been exactly how he felt the night of the dinner? While he might never have told her this on his own, if she was bringing it up, he owed it to her to be honest. “I have to admit, it did feel that way a little the night we all had dinner together.”

 

She nodded and dabbed at her eyes. “I completely ran roughshod over your plans. I didn't even give you a chance to tell me what you were going to do. What did I ruin for you that night?”

 

He frowned slightly. Where was this coming from all of a sudden? “Did...Leeta talk to you?”

 

“Leeta? No, wh...Oh, no. Did I mess up a date?”

 

“We had dinner arrangements,” he said, feeling uncomfortable. He decided not to mention Garak, knowing that ever since he came to her about the trouble they had, she didn't much like the tailor. “She was upset. I think she might have been a little jealous.”

 

“I'm so sorry,” she said. “I suppose I should talk to her.”

 

“I'd rather you didn't. She'll think I talked to you about this, and I don't think that would go over well. You're a good friend, regardless of what you think. I...” He couldn't believe he was saying this, but he knew it was long overdue if he wanted any chance of things working out with Leeta. Thanks both to Garak and Leeta, he realized that he actually did. “I don't think we should see quite so much of each other outside of work. I mean, when you really need me, of course I want to be there, but... I need to focus more on what I'm doing with Leeta.”

 

She smiled a little sadly, but her look was understanding. “You're right,” she said. “You do. So, you've decided you love her after all?”

 

“I think I'm starting to,” he said, nodding.

 

“What about Garak?” she asked.

 

“There will always be a part of me that wants him,” he said, doubting he'd be able to tell that to anyone else. “I can't explain it, and even though I've tried, I can't make it go away. We're not good together, though. We...just hurt each other, even when we don't want to, and sometimes we actually want to. I can't do that. I can't live like that.” I can't lie to him well enough, and as dishonest as he is, he'll never accept anything from me that's less than the truth, he added silently to himself. “I thought you were glad Garak and I were through.”

 

“I don't know what to think about it. On one hand, I've never seen you more miserable than when you were with him, but I've also never seen you as happy. You're the only one who can decide if the balance is worth it, and since you're committed to making things work with Leeta, I have to believe you've decided this is better. As selfish as I can be, and as wrapped up in my own life as I get, it has never stopped me from wanting to see you happy. Who you're happy with has always been secondary.”

 

“See?” he said, forcing a smile. “You are a good friend. Are you all right, Jadzia? I know how much you wanted Lenara to stay.”

 

“I feel like a part of me has been ripped out,” she confessed. “But...” She held a fist out to him and quirked a crooked, painful smile. “This isn't love.” She relaxed her hand and made a fluttering gesture. “No matter what you do, you can't make them stay if they don't want to.”

 

He sighed and pulled her into a tight embrace. As much as he wished that he didn't, he knew that all too well. He wondered how soon it would be before it was his turn to let go again.

 

The End

Comments

[snowishness.livejournal.com]

Ooh. I really enjoyed this. You built/showed the various relationships very well.

[dark-sinestra.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it and all the relationship tangles. Thanks for the review!

[lady-drace.livejournal.com]

Oooh, lovely! Julian really went through the mill in this one. Poor guy.

Everyone felt wonderfully real here and you're really messing with my mind about the whole G/B angle. It keeps teetering on the edge, never quite revealing if there's hope or not. Damn. My blood pressure won't stand for this in the long run.

One nit: Julian didn't host the socially backwards Tobin, he hosted the boisterous pilot Torias. And incidentally, it was Torias that (host whose name I cannot remember) Kahn was married to, which just made that whole chaperoning deal so very weird to me, because the people playing hosts to the Daxes, would remember at least some of their experience. I think the writers fumbled that episode somewhat, but I'll overlook it in favor of the lesbian kiss. I can forgive a lot for trek gay. :o)

I loved your take on this one. Very very nice!

[dark-sinestra.livejournal.com]

Oh, grrr on myself for not double checking about the hosts. Considering I even wrote a story that dealt with that, I should have known better. Tobin was the nail biter who bit O'Brien's nails. Derp. Gonna have to fix that detail ASAP. The two "T" names messed me up. I suck so bad with remembering names, it isn't even funny. That does make the whole dinner thing even more awkward. Poor Julian.

All I can say about the G/B is I don't intend to leave it up in the air indefinitely. I'm going somewhere with this. Where is a different question altogether. Muahaha! Glad you enjoyed! Now, time to go fix that! Thanks for pointing it out.

[jgalt44.livejournal.com]

I really like the idea of Leeta and Garak getting along. They do have a lot in common with poo Julian. *pets Julian* He had it rough in this one, but it was mostly his own doing. I never hated Dax, but I've never been a fan, so I liked the bit about her being a selfish friend. I rarely thought she acted like a friend on the show.

[dark-sinestra.livejournal.com]

In the last story, when I settled on the idea of the dinner party, I wasn't sure what direction I'd be taking it. Part of the way I write is that I'll throw a couple of characters into a scene together and just sort of see what they do, what feels right, what doesn't. I initially thought Garak would be his usual slick, snide self. From the very beginning, he wasn't. The two of them felt like a natural pairing, as far as getting along and finding they had something in common when it came to their problems with Julian. So that was a fun little surprise.

Having such a huge, life shattering secret like Julian had for as long as he did is bound to make true intimacy practically impossible. It wouldn't stop him from being lonely and wanting it, though. He did create a lot of his own drama with the decisions he made, but ultimately a lot of it was born from this terrible thing his parents did to him when he was too young to consent or not. That's something that always sticks in my mind when I'm writing for him, sometimes with more emphasis, sometimes less.

I think Dax fell into the trap a lot of girls/women do who have guy friends with crushes on them that they don't return. They still like the attention, and they wind up sometimes taking it all for granted and even using it. I love Dax, but I also think a lot of times the way she treated Julian was selfish, even sometimes borderline cruel, so I definitely wanted to address that.

I'm glad you enjoyed the story. Thanks for taking the time to review!

[blossommorphine.livejournal.com]

Ouch. Just ouch. Julian really took a pummel from all sides, didn't he? I really hurt for him, feeling he can't confide in them and that's it hurting his chances for happiness and those he cares for. I also wanted to hug Leeta, when she wondered if she wasn't smart enough for him. D: *hugs poor Leeta*

Now I'm really curious as how all this tension is going to go come Our Man Bashir.

♥

[dark-sinestra.livejournal.com]

Awesome icon. I'd love minions!

Yes, poor Julian got his trip through the wringer this time around. It was sad to write, too.

I'm looking forward to Our Man Bashir, but there's one other little side trip I think I need to take before we get there. Thanks for reading and taking the time to review. I appreciate it!

[deeply-spaced.livejournal.com]

Saved the third part of this for last because I didn't want it to end. Adore this. Garak and Rom, Garak and Jadzia, Julian and Jadzia, and finally Julian's thoughts about Leeta at the end.

So expertly done ... all of these relationships so detailed and complex and some so very frustrating... lol. In awe, as always!

[dark-sinestra.livejournal.com]

Thank you very much. Yeah, there was some frustration in this one. They won't just be good little puppets and do what they ought to do. hehe I'm hoping the next one won't be so blargh and arrr, but it's hard to say how it'll shape up yet. Thanks for the review!

[meteorprime.livejournal.com]

I kinda feel sorry for ole Jule's but at the same I think he really needed a lot of that pummeling to help him get himself in order.- And Garak definately needed to get it off his chest.
In the long run I think it'll be better for everyone.
I always felt that the others always considered Rom and Leeta a lot simpler than they were and in some ways that added a lot of interesting angles to the characters but at the same time really felt unfair on them.
I always love your takes on the characters, you always add a real sense of depth and realsim to your stories- one that I could never hope to achieve but will continue to aspire too.
I can't wait for more fic!

*WOW! looong reveiw. really went for it there didnt I!*

M

[dark-sinestra.livejournal.com]

I've always been of the opinion that real friends will tell you what you need to hear, not what you want to hear, even when it's painful. Julian did need to hear a lot of that. I hope it'll be better off in the long run. The characters have a funny way of being stubborn sometimes!

I completely agree about Rom and Leeta. They were almost always underestimated. Not being complicated doesn't always equal not being intelligent. They both showed that, and it gives me a lot of room when writing for them.

Thanks for the great praise and in depth review! I try to dig into the characters and find things that we knew were there in the series but perhaps didn't get to see in depth. I've enjoyed everything of yours that I've read so far. I think you do better than you think you do! And definitely, the best way to get where you want to go in writing is to just keep doing it.

Thanks again!